You should get a handle on the real world.

Antony Green, responding to a tweet claiming Craig Kelly will be the next PM

Antony Green, the ABC’s election analyst, is a national treasure. There is no debate.

Since he first appeared on our screens for the 1991 Victorian State Election, no other person has consistently captured the imagination of wannabe psephologists (like myself) and inspired countless numbers of swingers (of the voting variety, anyway).

Ahead of the live election blog tomorrow night, I’ve developed the following drinking game that I’ll be referring to throughout the night. The thought of just randomly saying ‘Drink!’ at random points through the night did occur to me, and I probably will do just this at various points, but I thought I’d give it some structure.

So here are the rules to the great COVID-safe, socially distanced, Antony Green 2022 Federal Election Drinking Game:

• Grab your drink of choice (alcohol preferred, non-alc is fine also… maybe…)
• Get your TV tuned to the ABC Election coverage (starting at 6pm AEST on Saturday)
• Load up the Live Blog
• Get ready for the shenanigans

Take a small sip if:

• Any commentator discusses the “tightening” polls. This should get everybody well lubed early in the night
• Any mention of the word “gaffe” – as above
• Any seat gained by Labor. Frankly, let’s see if we can get drunk by 7:30pm!
• Any mention of a ‘hung parliament’. Again, setting the night up early!
• Any time Antony brings up the House chamber.
• Antony says these ‘are very early results’. That first hour could be fun!
• Antony brings up ‘the wrong screen’.
• Antony mentions a seat with a retiring member.

Take a big sip if:

• A front-bencher from the Government loses their seat. Come on you beautiful Teals! (Tim Wilson also counts here).
• Any mention of ‘the swing’ being on.
• The Greens win a second seat after Melbourne. I’m looking at you, Queensland.
• Craig Kelly loses in Hughes. Party that wins is irrelevant, just so long as it’s not UAP.
• Antony has to go back to the panel because of ‘technical difficulties’. Could be a long night.
• Antony appears giddy at an unexpected result coming to fruition. ‘Giddy’ to be defined in the blog.
• Antony says the computers ‘projections don’t look right’

Do a shot, or a gulp, if:

• Antony suggests it ‘could be a night for the independents’. COME ON TEAL!!
• The commentators tell Antony to take a final look at the board. To wrap up the night perfectly.
• Antony mentions a ‘three-way’ contest.
• Antony is not prepared to call the election.

Pop the Champagne corks if:

• Antony calls the election for the Labor Party

Check passports, pack bags, and review NZ migration requirements if:

• Antony calls the election for the Coalition.